An Arty Epic
by Ocarina
Summary: Artemis Fowl takes on Hogwarts.... Juliet tags along....get back in the cupboard, Harry! Cheap thrills, I know! But how can I resist!? ;) Lots of sadistic twists!
1. All Aboard the Evil Express

Disclaimer: I don't own the places or names mentioned in Artemis Fowl or Harry Potter. Any similarities are purely coincidental ;)  
  
Intro: This is set when Harry is just starting his fourth year at Hogwarts, and our friend Artemis is fourteen too.ooo, I can hardly wait!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Unbeknownst to the students inside the Hogwarts Express, two likely characters were just performing an amazing aerial stunt over their heads. Currently five hundred feet higher than the train, they had the intention of landing on top of the moving vehicle.  
  
With expert ease they glided their bodies onto the roof, silently landing with skill. "Mission accomplished," grinned the bigger of the two.  
  
"You got the goods, Butler?" said the other, with a polished drawl. Butler reached behind his back, unclipping the army-issued stealth parachute, into a compact bag. "Yip, still here," he said, holding up two small vials of crimson liquid.  
  
"It's now or never," he said, with a questioning glance at the boy, who gave a slight nod of his head, and stuck out his arm. The boy craned his head in anticipation as Butler stuck a needle onto one of the vials, and gave a slight shiver as it was inserted into the spidery veins in his wrist. "Imagine! Such tiny cells can give such power!" he said detachedly, slapping his wrist to get the blood moving,  
  
Butler, after he too had injected himself, said "Two minutes, Artemis," and braced himself for the coming change over his body. Artemis could see sparks springing off himself like little fireworks; steam arose from their bodies. They clutched their throats and gasped for air.  
  
A million infinitesimal cells raced through their bodies, rapidly multiplying. They flowed into their brains, new connections were made and certain senses were heightened. Magic coursed through their bodies. Magic, from a deceived witch, and fairy called Holly Short,.  
  
Artemis breathed in deeply and lifted his hands for inspection. They were still the hands of a teenage boy who saw too little sun and did too little work, but now they were tingling and throbbing as the stronger, thicker blood coursed through them. Butler was doing the same, with unabashed wonder.  
  
"Well, lets try them out, shall we?" Artemis said, smirking. He reached into his pocket and drew out a slender rod of mahogany and dragon- heartstring; Olivanders had had unexpected guests a month before. In fact, so had most of the other shops in Diagon Alley. 


	2. Madeye Butler

Obtaining a wand had been no easy task- that is, for anyone other than Artemis Fowl and his Butler. After managing to decipher some of the Faerie language, at least enough so that they could perform mesmer, they simply had to find a dim-witted witch and trick her into taking them into the Alley. This had been done at night, so they had not been detected. With the help of some high-tech fairy hardware, they had raided Gringolds (well, actually they had just taken most of the witch's stock, leaving behind an I.O.U), gotten what they needed from various shops and disappeared into the night.  
  
The blood in the vials was a combination of the witch's and Holly's. The witch blood would give them the right type of human magic, but it was quite weak so they had nabbed Holly's to balance the equation, plus give them extra magical skills. Once injected, the magic would stay in their blood stream for ten years. And in that time, Artemis planned to find out everything he could about the magical world, being only the second muggle in history to do so, and seriously upgrade his bank account. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
With help of a few indebted super-hackers, Artemis had enrolled himself in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He had placed himself with the Fourth-years, according to his own age.  
  
Artemis was a very good speed-reader. He and Butler had swiftly memorised the most important spells and charms for the parts they were playing- and a few besides.  
  
"Vestimenta Ludus" he said offhand, with a flick of his wrist. Blue sparks shot out of the wand and, after wavering in the air for a few seconds, came to rest around his body. Poof! He looked down and saw the crest of Hogwarts on the school robes he was now wearing.  
  
"How do I look?" he said, lifting his arms and letting them flop back to his sides.  
  
"Just like the others," Butler told him, lifting his maple-and-unicorn wand. "Accio Trunk" he called, and with a bang, a coffin-sized trunk appeared in front of him. He took some keys out of his pocket and opened it. "MhmhmHMmmmhmHmharrMM" a muffled cry came from a person inside the trunk. Ignoring it, Butler deftly cut a piece of the man's hair, shut the trunk and locked it.  
  
He withdrew another bigger vial from the bag and added the hair into the acidic mixture. Steam and gas blew out in clouds. Artemis was tapping his feet, politely looking away. Butler put the vial to his lips, and, with a grimace, skulled it. Artemis sighed and started humming a depressing song from Les Miserables. After a second of seismic shudders from Butler, Artemis looked up at the man. He looked entirely different. He was absolutely covered in scars, was considerably shorter, had a wooden leg, and, most noticeably, one of his eyes was an electric blue, revolving all around in its socket.  
  
'Whoa. psychedelic." whispered Butler's unfamiliarly rough voice.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, now we need that bird, and my trunk," replied Artemis. He then summoned a medium-sized tawny owl, and his trunk. The owl was specially trained to understand any command, and was part eagle. Artemis had created special camera-contact lenses, which, after a period of getting used to them, his owl, 'Apollo', was fully capable of being his aerial spy.  
  
Artemis and Butler parted and climbed their way down unseen into different parts of the train. Butler locked himself into an empty compartment with his well-protected trunk, and Artemis began to explore. 


	3. The OTHER Pale Faced Boy

Artemis was making his way through the middle of the carriage when he overheard some interesting remarks about the upcoming year- something about a 'TriWizard Tournament'. He paused and pressed his ear against the wall. He knocked. Quickly the talking stopped and he found himself staring into a face as pale as his own- yet he had the advantage of height.  
  
"What do you want?" said the blonde-haired boy.  
  
"Sorry, just feeling a little.lost. I've transferred from Durmstrang," he offered, mentioning the name of one of the other schools he'd considered.  
  
The boy's face lit up. "Really? Come inside. my name's Malfoy. Draco Malfoy," he said, after evaluating the taller boy.  
  
"Artemis... Wolf," he drawled, his lips curled up sinisterly in a rare smile.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* "So, Mister Wolf," Draco began, giving dark looks to Crabbe and Goyle who took the hint and quickly slide to the end of a seat, making room for Artemis, "Tell me about yourself."  
  
"Not much to tell, really," replied Artemis dryly.  
  
"Oh. well, do you know what house you're in?" said Draco hopefully.  
  
"Slytherin, apparently," Artemis had chosen this house, because he'd heard that there his malevolent deeds would just be excused as an early show of brilliance.  
  
"So am I. It's just the place for people like you and me," Malfoy observed, leaning back in his seat with a knowing smile. Malfoy paused for a moment, before saying, "We were just discussing the imminent Triwizard Tournament."  
  
"Oh?" Artemis raised an eyebrow, indicating to him to go on.  
  
"Yes, an inter-school wizarding championship. My father told me about it; he's in the school board, you know."  
  
"Who can enter?" asked Artemis, even more intrigued.  
  
"Oh, I suppose they'll have an age limit this time, my father told me that it'll be rather more 'safety conscious' this time; it was banned before, because of all the deaths," he said sarcastically. "No matter, I'll find a way to overcome it," Malfoy added thoughtfully.  
  
"Hmmm." Thoughts wizzed through Artemis's brain, plans formulated at an awesome speed.  
  
"Know much about the school?" Malfoy broke the silence.  
  
"A little. What are the teachers like?"  
  
"The headmaster is horrible, but you'll get on well with our house-leader, Professor Snape, if I'm not mistaken. He's in charge of Potions, too."  
  
"Exxxxxcellent." Artemis articulated.  
  
"Oh, and you should watch out for Harry Potter, he's a terrible nuisance. Thinks he's the saviour of mankind," said Malfoy bitterly, folding his arms and hardening his jaw, and kicking the snoring Goyle savagely to wake him up.  
  
"Thanks for the tips, Draco," said Artemis, over the whimpers of Goyle.  
  
"Good to have you here," answered Malfoy.  
  
They shook hands and sat back in their seats, deep in thought. 


	4. Take That, Draco Malfoy!

Artemis was somewhat impressed upon arriving at Hogwarts, although he masked it skilfully.  
  
It had been a while since he had been in any educational establishment, and at the feast that night the hoard of students seemed almost daunting.  
  
At his side, Malfoy pointed out the dreaded Potter boy. Artemis knew his story, and was disappointed about how casual he seemed, chatting to the people around him.  
  
"The red-heads a Weasley," spat Malfoy. "And the ugly girl's a mud blood."  
  
"She's not that ugly," replied Artemis, enjoying the shock in Malfoy's eyes. How weak he was, to let his emotions show so freely. "I mean, sure, her teeth are somewhat.wonky, but the rest of her is fine." Artemis was really getting into this contrariness thing.  
  
Before Malfoy could reply, the doors swung open and Butler limped doggedly into the room, to the gasps of the students. Artemis grinned with great satisfaction as he surveyed people's reactions. The sweet taste of success!  
  
And then the headmaster told them all about the tri-wizard tournament. Artemis's eyes positively sparkled, along with everyone else's. Oh, the money, the glory!  
  
And so, school began.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
In his classes, Artemis swiftly caught on. He was careful to glean all he could without drawing much attention to himself. However, he couldn't help the suggestive glances of the girls. I mean, he was rather suave, and older. Unfortunately, for them, Artemis looked scornfully upon the finest Hogwarts had to offer. He found that people throwing themselves at him was a turn off. Anyway, no one could measure up to Holly and Juliet, the only females that he'd ever respected and liked.  
  
Artemis quickly became star pupil of potions class, despite his efforts to remain inconspicuous. For a few days Malfoy had not spoken to him, after being continually ignored Snape. 


	5. Wow, Is That, NO! Love At First Sight!

Soon the students from the other schools arrived. Artemis and Malfoy, along with the ever-present Crabbe and Goyle, camped out in the Slytherin common room at the window, with binoculars and a bag of pumpkin chips.  
  
"Oh, look, I think the Beauxbatons people have just arrived. Wow, look at that girl! The one with the long blonde hair." said Malfoy.  
  
Artemis readjusted his binoculars, and then almost dropped them when he saw just who the blonde was. "Juliet!" he flinched, very shaken with shock.  
  
"What's that?" said Malfoy, too absorbed with what he was seeing. "Oi! Crabbe, Goyle, didn't your mother tell you not to chew with your mouth open?"  
  
"Oh, nothing." said Artemis, his binoculars trained on Juliet. yes, it was her. WHAT was she doing here!? "I'll be back soon!" he called, dashing out of the room.  
  
"Um, yeah.." grunted Malfoy.  
  
Once outside, Artemis hastened to Butler's office. He didn't bother knocking. Butler was sitting at his desk, with a heap of papers to one side. "Saw you coming," shrugged Butler, pointing to his mad-eye.  
  
Artemis nodded, anxious to proceed. "Dom, Juliet's here! She's with Beauxbatons."  
  
Butler barely raised an eyebrow. Artemis was a little bit more flustered than he would have been. "Yes, I thought she'd find us, eventually," he said apologetically.  
  
"Oh.ok." said Artemis, tiptoeing out of the room.  
  
"Wait, before you go; I think I've found a way to enter you in the Tournament," Butler told him.  
  
"Yes, Good. Er, how are the lessons going?" Artemis politely inquired.  
  
"Quite nicely, thankyou," said Butler calmly.  
  
Artemis gave another nod and went back to the common room, where Malfoy was sprawled across one of the chairs, with a faraway expression.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~TO BE CONTINUED*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 


End file.
